A Halloween Message From The Crimson Executioner

crimsonexectioner6

A hearty “Happy Halloween!” to you all! As a dedicated villain, I have happily observed from my castle as the centuries have turned All Saints Day from an honoring of do-gooders and the dear departed into a celebration of monsters, candy, and general anarchy. Progress is a wonderful thing! And we’re not done progressing: in these environmentally conscious times, won’t you join me in eschewing the use of store-bought fake blood? Sure, the real stuff dries a little fast and a little darker than you might like, but the authenticity, man, the authenticity! Besides, every door opened as you trick or treat is another chance to grab fresh hemoglobin.

I don’t trick or treat myself, I prefer to celebrate quietly with my own black thoughts, and because I don’t trust the staff to distribute the candy to the kids correctly. This year I’m handing out Skittles.

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If I run out, I have a bag of mini Milky Ways, but I’m seriously hoping the Skittles get me through, because I really like Milky Ways and I never buy them but of course with it being Halloween and all you have to buy candy and so why not get something you like, and I’ve given myself the mental okay to have some so now there’s this expectation and why can’t I have some candy once a freaking year and…

Oh. TMI, I suppose. Alright, to sum up: I love Halloween! I love the costumes and creepy focus on blood and bats and death, I love scaring people, I love making them think I’m about to kill them, and then I love actually killing them. I understand most of you don’t go for more than about half of that list, but that’s fine – I wish you a great night all the same, and on this night above all, MY VENGEANCE NEEDS BLOOD!

And chocolate.

Editor’s Note: The wonderful folks at Eccentric Cinema have included this great audio clip of the Crimson Executioner as part of their review of Bloody Pit Of Horror. It’s the “listen” button above the stills. Enjoy! And remember, this day shall be written in blood!

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